I used to work in organizing. Me and Obama were both community organizers. so, that's one up for me... how may things do you have in common with the president?
I have struggled truly with the Occupy Wall Street group... I've made comments about their lack of leadership, clear message, point and poor organization in general. Its sounds so snobby now as i type it.
I've said they need direction to get attention and that I haven't heard or seen enough about it to be relevant.
I'm a jerk. I'm part of that 99%. I should be there with baby in Beco- demanding health insurance for all under an umbrella or in a tent or what.
Having a baby surely changes your priorities. But bad ass shouldn't be one of them. I used to be a bad ass. I didn't think it at the time- but when i think back to it now. Yeah, way bad ass.
Now, I day dream about babies and tiny socks and santa clause. Is there anything wrong with this... no way!
But, i long for the days when my scholar life lead me down what I used to call "women's studies in practice"- that's abandoning school for real life. That's what i struggled with in grad school. I was too immature to realize at the time that it was a little bit from here and there and that was a good thing.
Motherhood is women's studies in practice. But here its every second.
so, where can i find my own subversion. Its not in driving past a small group of obnoxious protesters on my way into work, or sitting on a bathroom floor with a woman who's husband beats her anymore.
I'm raising a girl. Who'll become a woman. Who'll fight the good fight too. Who'll I'll teach to stand up when no one dares to. Who will hold a sign in the rain, who'll cross the line. who'll dare to do and go and be what no one else has before her.
Subversion is raising a girl who will riot and rock and push back.
I will occupy my house. my life and raise her different. Without an ass of "Juicy" but with a heart of gold.
So, I'm not on the street.... But, I do and will always hear the call. I hear you....
all the way over here.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Me and Greg. More alike than you think.
Sean and I are HOUSE junkies, this is an interesting comment as HOUSE through much of the series is a junkie of sorts. We watch the episodes out of order on various channels. We DVR them, we watch them live. We look for them when nothing else is on. It's true that we have Netflix and could simply rent the entire series so far and watch them in order. But, this would take the fun out of it.
When they stopped showing marathons on Saturday nights, Sean and I both pouted for a few weeks- when we finally realized that they were yes, in fact, actually, no longer being shown, anymore.
Recently we happily caught the episodes where HOUSE has entered into a mental institution. In addition to having dirty office sex with Franka Potente (of Run Lola Run) he learns that he is a "fixer" and needs to let go. I'd say most people have a love/hate relationship with HOUSE. Including all the characters on the show. But, for those who watch. I often despite his angsty, cynical, witty, jackassery, find him quiet lovable.
So, when Sean recently compared me to HOUSE as the fixer who feels the need to solve the problems I've created, often by my own doing (no one to diagnose here??) I didn't feel all too bad about it. I think HOUSE if we were to deconstruct him as a character- would be all the bad parts of us amplified. He is the bad- the cranky. How WE as a society would behave if we could express ourselves in constant pain.
Is this what they meant when they created him? Was Greg, meant to be me and you at our very worst moments? At times when we refuse to deal with the horror of humanity. When we can no longer trust!?
Oh... HOUSE. I rue the day you retire- tossing your cane to the wind. Pain Killers down the drain. Porn in the dumpster.
When they stopped showing marathons on Saturday nights, Sean and I both pouted for a few weeks- when we finally realized that they were yes, in fact, actually, no longer being shown, anymore.
Recently we happily caught the episodes where HOUSE has entered into a mental institution. In addition to having dirty office sex with Franka Potente (of Run Lola Run) he learns that he is a "fixer" and needs to let go. I'd say most people have a love/hate relationship with HOUSE. Including all the characters on the show. But, for those who watch. I often despite his angsty, cynical, witty, jackassery, find him quiet lovable.
So, when Sean recently compared me to HOUSE as the fixer who feels the need to solve the problems I've created, often by my own doing (no one to diagnose here??) I didn't feel all too bad about it. I think HOUSE if we were to deconstruct him as a character- would be all the bad parts of us amplified. He is the bad- the cranky. How WE as a society would behave if we could express ourselves in constant pain.
Is this what they meant when they created him? Was Greg, meant to be me and you at our very worst moments? At times when we refuse to deal with the horror of humanity. When we can no longer trust!?
Oh... HOUSE. I rue the day you retire- tossing your cane to the wind. Pain Killers down the drain. Porn in the dumpster.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Sundays are for relaxing.
I have done so much cooking today and cleaning I think I might collapse!
This morning I made Reilly blueberry flax pancakes. I used cherrybrook farms pancake mix- I love the vanilla flavor and it has very few ingredients. I mixed in fresh blueberries, ground flax seed and rice milk. She went insane- she was so excited and elated by her breakfast I decided to make her a fancy lunch.
I made pineapple tempeh with pineapple chunks. First I cut the tempeh into cubes- then I steamed the chunks in pineapple juice. After a good steam I put the whole pot in the oven. Everything got roasty toasted. She happily fed herself tempeh and pineapple. I also gave her sweet potato that I fresh roasted this morning- while making tomato sauce for dinner.
I was tempted to make her a peach raspberry oatmeal cobbler for dinner but, I had to clean up for a visit from my parents. Right before they arrived Sean requested some brownies- so I whipped up a vegan batch with peanut butter and molasses.
Sean and I had pasta for dinner with cheese garlic bread and sautéed arugala and spinach. I am honestly so tired I can barely type. Now its nearly 9:30pm. I washed the dishes and ironed.
I am so very tired! Tomorrow I’ll teach my students how poetry can help them write better essays- I am also hoping to take a trip to Trader Joes.
sleep....
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Pretty Good Year(s)
My 30th birthday has come and gone... as my twenty's end i am thinking so much more about the years that have lead to this point then i did when i turned 20. Teenage years are so important but your twenties- everything changes. Being 30 I don't think is about being seen as an adult or finally facing reality and "growing up" we are defined by our actions and as I have been saying for sometime- our choices and what we do with the responsibility given to us as citizens of the earth and humanity.
Since, I have been thinking so much about it I thought that I would make a list of the top moments that have defined my 20's. So self indulgent. But, I am always trying to be better, love harder, be kinder.
so, here it goes. In no particular order. I tried date order... but that didn't work.
1. I graduate from SUNY Stony Brook University and move to Albany, NY alone to work on my masters. I wanted to go to grad school. I was excited about it. I worked... like a dog. I took nearly double the required credits per semester. I wanted to come home. It taught me about independence, perseverance, possibilities and friendship. I met my dear friend Amy Nolan- who I will always remember- came looking for me. I write and complete my thesis in 3 months- while working nearly full time as a medical assistant at Planned Parenthood Hudson Peconic. I graduate.
2. I get food poisoning and vomit while driving home from work in a snow storm. I vomit for 5 hours while driving into a wide mouth plastic water bottle. I vomit all over the Northern State Parkway and the Hicksville Train Station. After this i refused to be referred to by anything but "bad ass".
3. I get a job as a Grassroots Organizer at Planned Parenthood. I work with the legendary Nanna Fecteau. I am mentored and learn. I fight the good fight.
4. My grandfather dies.
5. My aunt dies. Leaving a trail of grief miles long.
6. My grandmother dies. After everything I learn a very valuable lesson. Death presents us with a fork in the road. One path allows us to be better, do better, grow. The other path allows us to be miserable. To have an excuse to be horrible, do bad and expect our misery to be an answer for our misdeeds in life. I happily witness the the first path in people i love.
7. Two important people in my life are paralyzed with grief. I work to help them. I often cry feeling I am steering them wrong. I think sometimes I did. I hope I got it right more often.
8. My brother moves to Scarsdale. I see him less and less. I am heartbroken. I think it brings us closer. My heart un-breaks as he finds love and I gain a sister.
9. My cousin moves to San Diego. I cry for two days. After all we'd been through together. Separation of the "fantastic five" seems so much more painful. Being in the same state is one thing, across the country is another.
10. Infinity tattoos bond us forever.
11. I get married. After 12 years of sin living- we finally tie the knot. I am deeply, madly in love. It takes my breathe away.
12. I get pregnant. Everything changes. I dream of a lost friend. I find her pregnant with a little girl too. Her friendship is healing, loving. She is exceptional in all ways.
13. Reilly is born. Everything you imagine it to be, it is forever better than you expect. Everything I am, do is for her. She is the greatest, most amazing, wonderful person on earth. I am changed. I am alive. There is an answer, a why, the realization of all things good in the world.
14. I get a job at the Suffolk County Coalition Against Domestic Violence as the Community Educator. My boss calls me the "HUB". I act as such. I LOVE everyone i work with. Or more so, I am in love with them. I am happy, things change. I quit.
15. I get a job teaching at Suffolk County Community College. I see light bulbs go off. I am FOREVER and constantly changed by teaching.
16. At my wedding, as Sean says "I do" I hear a tiny noise from my maid of honor. I am held up, grateful, joyful in so many ways by the noises from this throat.
17. I am called out for bad behavior. I am forced to look at myself for what I have done and become. Torn by resentment I can no longer move forward without healing my wrongs. I try.
18. My uncle smashes my grandparents mini grand with a hammer. The sound is a sinking ship.
19. My father spends a night in the hospital with chest pain. He asks for cookies.
20. After giving birth my mom gently combs my hair.
21. While giving birth Sean whispers something in my ear. I will never forget it.
There are so many more... This is just a sample. Thanks for letting me indulge and reading. I hope of you'll think of moments that have defined you.
Good bye twenties- rest in peace.
Since, I have been thinking so much about it I thought that I would make a list of the top moments that have defined my 20's. So self indulgent. But, I am always trying to be better, love harder, be kinder.
so, here it goes. In no particular order. I tried date order... but that didn't work.
1. I graduate from SUNY Stony Brook University and move to Albany, NY alone to work on my masters. I wanted to go to grad school. I was excited about it. I worked... like a dog. I took nearly double the required credits per semester. I wanted to come home. It taught me about independence, perseverance, possibilities and friendship. I met my dear friend Amy Nolan- who I will always remember- came looking for me. I write and complete my thesis in 3 months- while working nearly full time as a medical assistant at Planned Parenthood Hudson Peconic. I graduate.
2. I get food poisoning and vomit while driving home from work in a snow storm. I vomit for 5 hours while driving into a wide mouth plastic water bottle. I vomit all over the Northern State Parkway and the Hicksville Train Station. After this i refused to be referred to by anything but "bad ass".
3. I get a job as a Grassroots Organizer at Planned Parenthood. I work with the legendary Nanna Fecteau. I am mentored and learn. I fight the good fight.
4. My grandfather dies.
5. My aunt dies. Leaving a trail of grief miles long.
6. My grandmother dies. After everything I learn a very valuable lesson. Death presents us with a fork in the road. One path allows us to be better, do better, grow. The other path allows us to be miserable. To have an excuse to be horrible, do bad and expect our misery to be an answer for our misdeeds in life. I happily witness the the first path in people i love.
7. Two important people in my life are paralyzed with grief. I work to help them. I often cry feeling I am steering them wrong. I think sometimes I did. I hope I got it right more often.
8. My brother moves to Scarsdale. I see him less and less. I am heartbroken. I think it brings us closer. My heart un-breaks as he finds love and I gain a sister.
9. My cousin moves to San Diego. I cry for two days. After all we'd been through together. Separation of the "fantastic five" seems so much more painful. Being in the same state is one thing, across the country is another.
10. Infinity tattoos bond us forever.
11. I get married. After 12 years of sin living- we finally tie the knot. I am deeply, madly in love. It takes my breathe away.
12. I get pregnant. Everything changes. I dream of a lost friend. I find her pregnant with a little girl too. Her friendship is healing, loving. She is exceptional in all ways.
13. Reilly is born. Everything you imagine it to be, it is forever better than you expect. Everything I am, do is for her. She is the greatest, most amazing, wonderful person on earth. I am changed. I am alive. There is an answer, a why, the realization of all things good in the world.
14. I get a job at the Suffolk County Coalition Against Domestic Violence as the Community Educator. My boss calls me the "HUB". I act as such. I LOVE everyone i work with. Or more so, I am in love with them. I am happy, things change. I quit.
15. I get a job teaching at Suffolk County Community College. I see light bulbs go off. I am FOREVER and constantly changed by teaching.
16. At my wedding, as Sean says "I do" I hear a tiny noise from my maid of honor. I am held up, grateful, joyful in so many ways by the noises from this throat.
17. I am called out for bad behavior. I am forced to look at myself for what I have done and become. Torn by resentment I can no longer move forward without healing my wrongs. I try.
18. My uncle smashes my grandparents mini grand with a hammer. The sound is a sinking ship.
19. My father spends a night in the hospital with chest pain. He asks for cookies.
20. After giving birth my mom gently combs my hair.
21. While giving birth Sean whispers something in my ear. I will never forget it.
There are so many more... This is just a sample. Thanks for letting me indulge and reading. I hope of you'll think of moments that have defined you.
Good bye twenties- rest in peace.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Chicago's First Lady.
I have always loved Oprah. For a while i felt ashamed of this and often would hide my love. My husband makes fun of me for even watching her.
Some have said she is evil or condescending. I disagree. I think she asks questions no one wants to. I think she is giving and thoughtful and is pensive when her guests are talking.
You don't get to the top always- by being nice. I think sometimes its ok to gnash your teeth and show what you've got. especially if you are holding aces. I am sad that this is her last season. What I have watched of OWN is not too shabby and I am sure I'll happily watch more in the future. I must admit I am more so disappointed that my chances of ever being on the "Favorite Things Show" are now over. If you have never watched this... you should seriously consider looking it up on youtube.
I found her "make-up" interview with Iylana Vanzant to be engaging, life changing, superb. Oprah quoted Vanzant she said "Don't you always say... 'if you do not heal the wounds of your past, you will bleed and bleed and bleed'"
I think so many of us have to stop bleeding. Oprah would agree.
So, I love Oprah. Not just because she's friends with Maya Angelou.
Some have said she is evil or condescending. I disagree. I think she asks questions no one wants to. I think she is giving and thoughtful and is pensive when her guests are talking.
You don't get to the top always- by being nice. I think sometimes its ok to gnash your teeth and show what you've got. especially if you are holding aces. I am sad that this is her last season. What I have watched of OWN is not too shabby and I am sure I'll happily watch more in the future. I must admit I am more so disappointed that my chances of ever being on the "Favorite Things Show" are now over. If you have never watched this... you should seriously consider looking it up on youtube.
I found her "make-up" interview with Iylana Vanzant to be engaging, life changing, superb. Oprah quoted Vanzant she said "Don't you always say... 'if you do not heal the wounds of your past, you will bleed and bleed and bleed'"
I think so many of us have to stop bleeding. Oprah would agree.
 |
| OPRAH! |
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Cheaters, Liars and the girl who loved them.
I have cheaters in my class. I think each class I do, but these are obvious. All the way to work today I thought... I am missing the camaraderie that comes with working full time at a college. I have no one to share my woes with. To bitch and whine about badly behaving students. To make jokes about 1st term probation or locked smart boxes. It is the lonely life for a weekend adjunct. On Mondays- my new day- I mostly try to avoid going up to the department since its so busy on campus. So, I have defeated myself.
Last weekend the office was closed when arrived but, today it was open. There sat at the computer a man wearing socks and sandals. Despite the fashion mishap- of this I am a fan. As one of my most treasured undergraduate professors always wore the sock/sandal combo. Her name was Sarah Hall- just to name drop- I named my first laptop after her, the laptop i did all my graduate work on. So, needless to say.... socks with sandals bring me fond memories. In addition to the foot wear he had a big white bushy beard and nice pair of nerdy specs.
We made friends. A retired Math teacher now teaching logic. Retired in 1987. I laughed and told him I was six when he retired. He stated he had been with the college since 1967.
For 20 minutes we griped about cheaters, cell phone users, uncaring, sleeping students. This past fall and now spring have been the worst I've seen from students, but also some of the best. Kind hearted, interested, intent and intense on learning- absorbing like sea sponges.
I secretly hope to turn the ambivalent to light bulbed, bright and obsessed intellectuals. I am like the worst example of a teenage love affair. I love the bad boy. I hope I can change him. But, for me. I love the cheaters, the liars, the cell phone texting, no text bringing, cranky pants who cant wait till the imaginary bell rings and they can go home, get wasted and pass out.
Bushy beard, sandal said to me "one day they will look back and regret." I agreed and shook his tiny warm hand.
I am just not there, i still believe. Ill always believe, ill always wait till and keep reaching for the pulley that turns the light bulb of their brains on and reminds me why I give up sleeping on Saturdays.
for you professor of Logic who retired in 1987. Thanks for being there- just when i needed you.
Last weekend the office was closed when arrived but, today it was open. There sat at the computer a man wearing socks and sandals. Despite the fashion mishap- of this I am a fan. As one of my most treasured undergraduate professors always wore the sock/sandal combo. Her name was Sarah Hall- just to name drop- I named my first laptop after her, the laptop i did all my graduate work on. So, needless to say.... socks with sandals bring me fond memories. In addition to the foot wear he had a big white bushy beard and nice pair of nerdy specs.
We made friends. A retired Math teacher now teaching logic. Retired in 1987. I laughed and told him I was six when he retired. He stated he had been with the college since 1967.
For 20 minutes we griped about cheaters, cell phone users, uncaring, sleeping students. This past fall and now spring have been the worst I've seen from students, but also some of the best. Kind hearted, interested, intent and intense on learning- absorbing like sea sponges.
I secretly hope to turn the ambivalent to light bulbed, bright and obsessed intellectuals. I am like the worst example of a teenage love affair. I love the bad boy. I hope I can change him. But, for me. I love the cheaters, the liars, the cell phone texting, no text bringing, cranky pants who cant wait till the imaginary bell rings and they can go home, get wasted and pass out.
Bushy beard, sandal said to me "one day they will look back and regret." I agreed and shook his tiny warm hand.
I am just not there, i still believe. Ill always believe, ill always wait till and keep reaching for the pulley that turns the light bulb of their brains on and reminds me why I give up sleeping on Saturdays.
for you professor of Logic who retired in 1987. Thanks for being there- just when i needed you.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Creepy or Cool?
1. Is it creepy or cool to send a friend you like who you're not sure likes you (you like as in secretly pine over them and say to your husband... do you think this person feels the same about me? Yes, i do this, yes, i am aware that i am not in high school) a valentine that says "I secretly pine over you. I hope you like me the way i like you... which is a lot". Creepy or cool?
2. Creepy or cool: old people touching your baby in the super market. Even if its just on the arm?
3. Speaking of old people.... Saying to the person on the check out line behind you: "I HATE old people!!" (lady in front of me with two old ladies, who were- i think pretty cute). Creepy? Cool?
4. Saying to a student who tells you they don't like reading "Well, this is college, you're probably going to have to read stuff". This happened today, yes... i really dislike it when students whine about reading-- esp. since that's all i did in grad school was read till my eyes bled. Same student also tells me she doesn't want to read MS magazine and doesn't care about the $15-6 month digital subscription I am using as my class text. I told her to get it- that i didn't care much that she didn't want to read it. Its easy to be nice to Saturday students. Monday students I am mean to- don't give me lip.
This has ventured away from my creepy or cool theme.
2. Creepy or cool: old people touching your baby in the super market. Even if its just on the arm?
3. Speaking of old people.... Saying to the person on the check out line behind you: "I HATE old people!!" (lady in front of me with two old ladies, who were- i think pretty cute). Creepy? Cool?
4. Saying to a student who tells you they don't like reading "Well, this is college, you're probably going to have to read stuff". This happened today, yes... i really dislike it when students whine about reading-- esp. since that's all i did in grad school was read till my eyes bled. Same student also tells me she doesn't want to read MS magazine and doesn't care about the $15-6 month digital subscription I am using as my class text. I told her to get it- that i didn't care much that she didn't want to read it. Its easy to be nice to Saturday students. Monday students I am mean to- don't give me lip.
This has ventured away from my creepy or cool theme.
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